The phone call

The other day I almost dialled his number.

I didn’t mean to, but my disobedient fingers couldn’t keep it to themselves.

But the phrase, ‘the strong shall prevail’, prevented those pesky digits from doing the actual dialling.

I haven’t heard his voice in six months. That’s not too long you’d say.

People don’t see or hear from their loved ones for years, and you’re complaining about a few months. 

But what do you do when you can’t sleep without the customary ‘good night babe, talk tomorrow?’

What do you do when the routine ping in the morning – which could vary from a ‘hello’ to a silly joke or even a news update – stops?

When the customised ring and text tones rust slowly rust to their death.

What do you do when 365-multiplied-into-2 days seem almost unreal?

Like they never happened. Like they were never there. 

Do you then crawl into bed and weep till your small eyes turn even smaller,

And a shade of red that you aren’t terribly excited about?

Do you delay the bath, the brushing of the teeth, and the breakfast?

Surviving only on coffee – black, sweetened with a hint of jaggery – till you really must find a biscuit. 

Do you then just download games, movies, subscribe to various online entertainment channels to binge watch what other people recommend?

Crack funny jokes on Facebook, or take innumerable photographs of food,

Simply because they look a lot better than you do right now?

Because food is the one thing that won’t make people question your sanity. 

Yes, I know the tricks -- all the tricks that I’ve learnt in the past few months.

Because now, I have much more time. A few hours extra every day in fact, 

To understand well and truly, that you aren’t coming back.