let me tell you a story she said. of a time long ago.
and there she ended. because she had nothing further to add.
he was being patient, partly out of disinterest. the car was running on ignition and he was waiting for her to get off. she did.
she walked into the apartment building without looking back. fishing for her keys at the bottom of the bag was a good escape plan, she thought. he stared at her walk away and his heart felt a bit heavy. she was a good kid but it had to end. it's been far too long.
she reached her flat and switched on the light. then, she switched it off, walked into the bathroom, found the razor and slashed her wrists. deep enough to kill her over the next few hours. but she did not wince. and as the blood trailed from the bathroom door and formed a misshapen pool near the bedside, she lay on her pillow, looking up at the fan that moved at very slow speed.
the last decade or more was the best, she recalled. she remembered the colour of his shirt when they'd first met, she remembered even the last.
she remembered her nostrils taking in his smell. his smile. his eyes. his kiss.
their first kiss.
it had never ended.
it was always the first kiss.
he drove back, slowly. tomorrow he would leave town. that should simplify things. he knew she would never call him. the closest she'd get was to stare at his online status on her gtalk chat window. that, he could deal with.
it would never work, he rationalised. she was not his type. he did care. but not in the way he'd want to, if he were to make a commitment. she had to understand that.
she probably did.
she'd try to work things out in her life. he trusted her. he had to disappear.
there was way too much history between the two of them. he'd erase it all. it's not as tough as people said. she would be history.
so he lied, she told herself. big deal, she counter-argued. i can live without him. if i could live without him all these years, him telling her was going to make no difference. she could love no one else and that was something she'd come to terms with even before she'd realised. and now, there would be no time to love another.
the pool was getting bigger. she could feel her breath turn cold. it was a lovely sensation. it was like walking on ice - only there was none. the sky had turned purple in her head. this is how she always wanted it to be, she recollected and no one would believe her. now, she wouldn't have to convince anyone. that's a relief, she confirmed. a little wave of cloud formed near her mouth as she reassured herself. it was always him. and she was sort of relieved that there would be no one else.
she has a good smile, he remembered. and when she'd smoke in a dark room, the lit end would form a halo around her; she looked almost ethereal. her pursed lips would be blowing out smoke. she never really inhaled. he could watch her forever. or when she'd lip sync to his favourite song. it was as if she was singing it. she did have a good voice, he said.
when did he meet her first, he wondered. he couldn't remember. it didn't matter. once the night was over, he wouldn't have to think of such things anymore. she would be gone. life is twisted. he had hurt her but he didn't really care enough to turn things around. that would be too much to ask for, he said. it wouldn't work. he was sure.